Am I really up for the Challenge?

It's one of those days. One of those days where I wonder who I thought I was and what super human abilities I thought I possessed. Parenting a toddler who is teething, maybe grieving, and in general very needy of mama. Parenting 3 elementary school boys who are fabulous and wonderful, but are getting the short end of the stick right now. Running a retail boutique in a recession, during the holidays and trying to think of drastic measures to get customers in the door...all the while planning a move to a new location on a wing and a prayer. Who do I think I am???

Retail is really scary right now, but I know that I have to look beyond this economic crisis and stay afloat. I am determined to make this work...it has too. I was so close to profitability at the end of last year and now this year will plunge us back down. At least I am in good company! And I keep focused on the big picture...it is much happier!

Parenting is a challenge. I really struggle with complaining about parenting my precious toddler. I know there is a family on the other side of the world that would give anything to have the chance to complain about parenting her. I have been given this amazing gift and I never ever want to seem ungrateful, because she is such a blessing. But it is what it is and she is a bit of a pistol right now. She is teething, has a sinus infection and is on the brink of so many things developmentally that it is no wonder she isn't too happy. But it is that hard time, made harder still by adoption in that I am still getting to know her, to figure her out, and she is getting more comfortable and testing and pushing and learning to trust. And sometimes I forget that, forget that she hasn't always had me and I her...because it often seems that way.

I have this strange mentality that I wanted her so bad, really wanted it all so bad, that now I have to do it all, be all, take on all. Sort of like making your bed and lying in it. It is a great bed, and I love it, but there are days when I would love to just have time to wash the sheets. I am definitely the one that creates my own chaos, and I fully own that, but sometimes I have to remind myself that I am human and I can only do and be so much. In my life, I have always come out okay, it has always worked, my dreams and schemes have always kept me afloat. I hope and pray that trend continues...days like today, I wonder. A friend said to me this am, "You run on an energy that I can only imagine. At least you know God never gives you more than you can handle" Is God giving me all of this? Can I handle it? How much of all of this is my own doing? Did I not listen close enough? All I can do is have faith. Faith that I am listening and God is providing, and it will all work out.