Things are moving again

Yeah! There were a few referrals finally last week. The agency has initiated a new hotline for the Ethiopia program. They are still planning on a 5-7 month wait for those who are already waiting...so that means it shouldn't extend, at least not too much. That is a relief. It is so weird not knowing when this will take place. It is hard to think about making plans for the upcoming months and realizing they will need to be rather tentative as "the call" will change everything!

I have been deep in thought about the whole adoption process of late. Not just our adoption, but adoption in general. I have been reading a lot about the Ethics of adoption, and whether it is a good thing or not. It's very easy to sit back and just relish the idea of finally having a daughter, thinking about me, our family, how great it is for us. Then the flip side looks at the family that this child will leave behind. I cannot imagine having a child in this world that I didn't get to see, hold, and love. I cannot fathom that pain. Then there is the issue of being a white family raising a black child. Again, I can lull myself into a happy, dreamy little place, where everything is perfect...but the reality is, this road is going to be bumpy. I think I am ready for the challenge, but I also think I don't have the capacity to understand the depths of the bumps on this road yet. So my heart is torn. I instinctively feel this is right...right for us, right for her, and that in many circumstances, adoption is very right. But I think you have to dig deep, you have to go to those dark places, both within the system of adoption, and within yourself and make your conclusions. So I am digging...somedays, I just have to lay down the shovel and dream about the little girl that will be my daughter, but I know that in order to build in her the strongest foundation possible, I have to pick that shovel back up and continue to dig, and search and sift. So baby girl, know that this mama is digging, I am ready-ing the soil that will feed the seed of your spirit...armed with all I can give you to make your life full of hope and light, not regret.