Still no news

Well, still no birth certificate. A few other trickled in today, but not ours. I really don't think we will see it until next week. I have my fingers crossed that we will get it by this time next week and that we will travel on the 11 of September. My dear friend Melanie is traveling that week, and all along, we have wanted to travel together...so we'll see what happens. It is all rather depressing at the moment, but i guess that this ride isn't quite over. I will be soo relieved to just hear that we have that BC and we have a travel date. I can't wait to see an updated pitcure either. Hanging on by a thread....

Can I get off the roller coaster already??

Anyone that knows me, knows I HATE amusement park rides. I don't like heights, I don't like huge ups and downs, I don't like that ill feeling sitting at the tippy top of a huge hill waiting to free-fall down. Therefore, I really think it is time to be done with the whole adoption roller coaster. I am motion sick, dizzy from the highs and lows, and I just want to settle on down to terra firma. But alas, I ask too much. It looks like the Sept 4th travel group is full. I am holding out hope that we will get assigned the 11th, but who knows. It could just as easily be the next week. Still no news from our specialist. Today marks the 3rd week waiting for our birth certificate. The last batch came in at 2 1/2 weeks, but others have taken as long as 5 weeks. Rationally, I can have great perspective, but emotionally, I just don't know how much longer I can hang on. All alone last night, in my very quiet house, I was reduced to big ole crocodile tears, my heart breaking for my little sunshine, who's world is so confused right now. We need to be together. We need the end of this journey to find each other.

So for those of you that pray...please say a little prayer that things pick up a bit here. Pray that Miss sunshine is doing okay, pray that I can find just a little more stamina somewhere, and pray for good news. Thanks.

Supreme Quiet!

I have the house ALL TO MYSELF tonight and tomorrow. My cherubs are with their nana and papa and hubby is traveling. I am not sure what to do with myself! I have NEVER in the 3 years we have lived in our house, had a night totally by myself. I am at a loss as to what to do, the options are many! It may be a glass of wine, good book early bed night, might be a sewing room night, might be a mindless tv night...the possibilities are endless. I think dinner will consist of a Dairy Queen Blizzard in the quiet of my house. It will be great I think!

Looking like travel is pushing further and further into September. I am really trying to stay up beat about it all. We had a conference call about the trip today that was full of good info. I have sent an e-mail off to our specialist to see how little miss is doing. I need a health update. No news yet, but hopefully something tomorrow. SO just some more waiting on the horizon. Yippee.

Worth it All

God obviously decided I needed a kick in the pants over the weekend. After my great night of dreams, the sermon at church was titled Worth it All. It hit home. As I sat there, surrounded by good friends, wonderful music, and reminded of the faith that has kept me going, I wondered if this journey has been worth it all. Has it been worth the heartache? Has it been worth the enormous financial strain? Has it been worth the tears, the unexpected weight gain,(who knew you could gain as much adopting as when pregnant!) the challenges? YES!!! Would I do it again if given the choice? YES!!! I sat there, tears eeking out of my eyes and thought of all the blessings on this journey. I have met some WONDERFUL friends, who I would have never known had it not been for this journey. I have fallen in love with a country on the other side of the world. My eyes have been opened to a much more wonderful and diverse world, full of challenges and joys. My faith has strengthened to depths I didn't know existed as I have seen God's hands all over this journey. And I get the honor to parent the most amazing child...my daughter...my sunshine. And I don't we are only at the tip of the "ice berg" right now, the best part of the journey is just about here.

It could be a hard week. I know there will be travel dates assigned and if we don't have our birth certificate yet, we won't be among those. It could be a great week, we could get our BC and our travel date...regardless, we are nearing the end of this journey. A few weeks here or there are not going to make a big difference in the lifetime of weeks we have ahead of us.

Sweet Dreams

I had the most wonderful dreams about Miss Sunshine last night. She was toddling around, coming up to me with her arms outstretched and calling me mama. I was playing with her silky soft curly hair and we were happy.

I am going to try really hard to focus on the happy part of this wait from now until she is in my arms. I have been so down and sad about the process. Sad that she is as old as she is already, sad that the time-line keeps getting longer, sad that days are slipping by and she is growing with out me and all the firsts I will miss. But I need to focus on all the firsts we will have...the reasons I have longed for a daughter my whole life...tea parties and baby dolls, finger nail painting (although I painted B's this am ;) ) dresses and "pretties", and the joy and fun of a 1 year old. I do think her transition will be harder, she will feel loss more at her age...prime age for seperation anxiety...but we will love her through it. I also get to travel to Africa...wow, that is a once in a life time (we will go back!)

So I am going to be positive this week. BC should come...and we might get that travel date. I know our paperwork is in order (this is a huge step!!) and she is OURS so we will be together soon. 7 weeks at the most. I can do it...."just keep swimmming, just keep swimming"

Whiney Me...you have been warned

So birth certificates for those who went through court on July 7th are rolling out. This is good news as it means that we should get ours next week. However, as is par for the course for me...they got theirs early. Why has NOTHING in the process been early for me? I am the last minute mama. Just eeking through. I am ticked about how a matter of days can translate into weeks during this wait. Those that went through court on the 7th will get to travel more than likely at least 2 weeks before I will. It is all so random and I want to go and get my baby, who is no longer a baby because she is one and by the time I finally get to her, will be at least 14-15 months. I want a new picture. I want to know if she is walking. I want to know if she is smiling. I want to know why I suddenly can't take this any more. This journey has stripped me to my core. I know on a rational level that at the most, she will be home in 6 weeks and that isn't that much longer. I know that I am blessed beyond measure to even have her coming into my life. I know that I am so very lucky to raise and love her. But I am tired of staring at this picture, loving this child that I know nothing about. I am tired of waiting, and going to sleep at night knowing that my child is just waking up to a new day, getting more attached to her current situation and knowing I am going to come in and up root her again. I just don't have any reserves left. I need her home.

I was kidnapped...

last night by two awesome friends who wisked me away for Margaritas and to celebrate Miss Sunshines birthday. It was great fun and a total surprise! They got Miss Sunshine some very fun things that I can't wait for her to have. Thanks girls....I needed that in the worst way!

My apologies that the pics I posted are so tiny. Not sure how that glitch happened, I will have to see if I can remedy that!

It is so humid here this am that the sky seems to be hanging down to the ground. It sort of feels like you are walking through jello. Not real pretty! Looks like it might be an inside day today.

I am still feeling pretty down about all the waiting again. Because there were soo many referrals given out in May, there is now a bit of a backlog in travel. We really have no control over when we will go and it is making me crazy. I am really done with the waiting. If you would have told me last September when we sent in the dossier that I would still not have her in my arms I would have told you you were crazy. Now we will be lucky if she is here at that 1 year of waiting mark. Ugh!
Hopefully her birth certificate comes next week with no errors and we can get on with this already!!

Party Pictures!

Celebrating Miss Sunshine......

More on Meron's B-day

Sorry yesterday's post was a bit abrupt, it was a busy day! My mom came down with the mission of keeping me occupied and purging 5 trash bags of treasures from my house! We are now much closer to baby proofed, and I have a really clean kitchen! It did also work to distract me for much of the day so that was good too! It was the final night of baseball so the kids had games and trophies and parties. Finally at about 9 we sat down to celebrate Meron. We taped her referral picture to a chair along with a party hat and sang happy birthday! (I am posting at work, but I will add a picture tonight) We then opened her presents and I tried really hard not to cry! All in all, it will be great to be able to tell her that even though she wasn't with us, we still have the day documented and we did celebrate!

I am feeling pretty low today. Travel dates are filling up as far out as Aug 27th which means that we will be looking at a September travel date. I am just hoping and praying it is the beginning of Sept and not the end. The 5th of September it will be a year since we officially started waiting to bring her home. My arms are aching for her. It is beyond time to bring her home.

Stay tuned for pic later in the day!

Sunshine Turned 1 Today

So today was sunshine's first birthday. It was so hard not to have her at home. We celebrated with a cake and ice cream party with Meron's picture attached to the chair. I will post more about it tomorrow.....

Ouch

So yesterday we got the rest of our shots. Not too bad, just two lovely sticks in the arm. This morning, I can tell those two little pricks had a little something in them. OUCH! Needless to say, the arm is feeling a wee bit sore this am! But, as for physical pain in the "birthing" of this child...this is so much easier than labor (sorry Jilly...just skip that last part!!)

August and September are ramping up to be rather wild in our family. My brother and his beautiful wife are having their first baby any day now. We can't wait to welcome this new little man and have a wonderful addition to this crazy family. On the other side, my sis in law and bro in law have decided to turn their worlds upside down and just accepted two new teaching jobs in new towns far from where they live, so before school starts, they must sell a house, buy a house and move a house and two kiddos, not to mention get ready to teach in two new schools. Yieks. And for us, well, we thought we would travel to Africa and bring home a child. Just to spice up the pot a bit ;) ! The grandparents have their running shoes on and are ready to run to whomever is most in need at any given moment...thank God they drive fuel efficient cars and are always reachable on their cell phones! It's going to be the most wonderful kind of perfect storm that I can imagine!

Prepare yourself for tomorrow's post. It is Meron's first birthday tomorrow. I am not sure how I am going to take it, but I can't imagine I will be sweetness and light. Stay tuned. In the mean time, I am off to get some motrin for my arm, and then sit down with the list of lists I made yesterday and see just what I can cross off!!

So much to do,

So little ambition. I am stuck. I have a list about 8 miles long that needs to be tackled...and I can't seem to motivate to do anything. There is this large part of me that just wants to rest, rest up because I am about to hit the ground running. I sort of feel like I am in my last trimester of pregnancy. Just resting and hanging out is what sounds so good! But the lists hang over my head.

So, I am going to go read a book, rest for a little bit, then get my tail in gear. My daughter is coming home!

Saturday Morning

It's a nice and lazy Saturday morning. I was lounging in bed reading a novel this am thinking I had better relish this time. Soon there will be a toddler, ready to get up, play, have breakfast...no lounging and reading. I can't wait!! We have a pretty mellow weekend. I am meeting some of my favorite girls for coffee in an hour, then it is off to Target for necessities (and maybe a few other things too) Then good friends are coming for dinner and we are all going to go see the musical the Music Man! I can't wait. I am off until Thursday this week as E has stuff going all next week. It is going to be full on prepare for baby week. Lots of closets cleaned, spaces organized, and a little baby proofing too! Time to kick it in gear!

I am hoping to finish up a little more sewing too...I will post pics when I am done.

Off to read the paper and enjoy the quiet of a lazy Saturday morning!

"WE'RE SEEING 8 WEEKS...

from court decision to travel at this time." I caved and e-mailed my specialist yesterday to get a take on how much longer I will have to wait to hold this child in my arms. And it looks like I only have about 7 weeks left to go. YEAH!!! So that means...OMG We are going to Africa in about 7 weeks. As those of you who have been following this journey all along know, time lines can change. Much of our travel date hinges on our Birth Certificate and that whole process is at the mercy of the power outages, which continue to occur on a very regular basis. Once we have the BC, then things can start to move quicker and we will get our official date.

As for flights, we are currently leaning toward Emirates Air, which would have us traveling a day earlier and staying in Dubai overnight. But that doesn't sound too bad! To have a chance to shower and sleep in a bed before getting to addis might be great. But again, we'll have to see what is available once we have that travel date.

The bummer of 8 weeks, is it is the first week of school. The kids start on Thursday and we would most likely leave on Tuesday and return the following Saturday (12 days total) Porr Z is already very worried about us not being home for this. I am so torn, but at this point, I need to be with the child that needs us the most, and that is sunshine. I am praying for a miracle and the possibility that we could travel at the 7 week mark instead. That would be wonderful.

Stay tuned....the saga continues!

I think we will walk...

to Africa. Ticket prices have gone up 40% in the last 4 weeks. What was going to be manageable at $4000 for both of us, is now up to almost $3000 per ticket. OUCH! To add to it, August and September are high tourist season in ET, as well as the celebration of New Years in ET in September. Flights are filling fast, and routes are hard to find. We are hoping we get to travel the last week in August or the first week in September. Of course that is optimistic thinking as the dates for travel keep getting pushed out further out (now estimated to be 8-12 weeks from court decision). When we do get our travel info, we will have 1-3 weeks to get tickets and go.

Right now the whole thing has me crazy. It feels like this is never going to happen...like it is all a dream and I really don't have a daughter on the other side of the world. Every milestone on the journey keeps getting pushed further away. When we started this process I never in a million years figured we would still be at home, with no daughter in our arms. The other thing I am finding difficult is that each week that passes, the older Sunshine gets. If travel really lengthens out to 12 weeks, she will be 15 months old. No longer the baby we were referred, but a full blown toddler, and that brings a whole new slew of attachement issues etc. I am so in love with the picture of this child...but even that has be depressed. I know she doesn't look like that child anymore. She has gained weight, and hopefully a smile has reached her eyes. I need to see her, I need to know she is okay, I need to hold her...

Okay, I will stop the pity party now. This wait is taking it's toll, it is pouring rain and thundering at 9 am and I am missing my child...hopefully sunny skies tomorrow!

Happy Anniversary Honey!

13 years ago today, E and I exchanged our vows to be together for better or worse, etc etc... We have certainly had a wonderful journey and grown so much together. 3 houses, 4 kids, numerous pets, several jobs, illnesses, the daily grind and so much more, we have truly grown as a couple!

Happy anniversary hun....I can't imagine sharing this journey with anyone else!

The Deck is Done

Yay! Hubby screwed in the final board on the deck tonight. It looks wonderfulIt is going to be a great place to spend lots of quality time.

News on the adoption front...birth certificates are finally being issued, and someone with a referral just 6 days before us already has a travel date the end of the month. I am remaining hopeful that we get to go sometime the end of August or 1st of September. I started looking at packing lists today and it was a little daunting! There are a lot of things to take along on such a journey! My fabulous neighbor is going to throw us a baby shower in August. I can't wait to celebrate this wonderful girl with dear friends and family. It is all getting so close and so real! WOW!!

I feel I have neglected reports on my little sweetpeas so here is a quick synopsis....

J is 10 going on 16...very "Cool" and so suave in that completely awkward 10 year old way. I love it.

Z is starting to realize changes are a foot. He is my high EQ kiddo and he can sense change 1000 miles away. We're doing lots of time in (not to mention he also had an inner and outer ear infection this week..ouch!)

B has become the snuggliest, dirtiest, funniest 5 year old on the planet. He too knows his role as the baby is about to be usurped and he is loadin up on the lovin. I love it because he has the most wonderfully kissable little bod! He is ALL boy and lives with a joy I envy!

So that is the story from our house. Off to do a little work before I call it a day.

Sowing Seeds

I was doing some reflection today. I decided people must think I am borderline manic. It seems there are often new projects, new lists to accomplish, not to mention having 4 children, a rambling old house, a procrastinating tinkerer for a spouse, and owning a business. When I list all I have in my life, it could (and sometimes does) exhaust me. Yet in the midst of all of this, it is just me...loving my kids, cleaning my house, trying to make my business go, and feeding my creative soul with a wealth of projects and "changes". I think I also don't give myself credit, for the accomplishments I have made, and the juggling I do on a daily basis. But that I think comes from being a mom and a business owner. The accolades don't tend to flow freely!

The lesson at church today was the parable of the sower. Our pastor challenged us to think about the seeds we sow in our life, and where they are landing. I truly hope, that in the midst of all the chaos that some may see as my life, they also see my faith. There are times when I think about owning the shop, and how it isn't really making a huge difference in the world, not like my hubby's teaching job, or some other jobs that I have had. But I have to think that the seeds I sow may not be immediately visable, but they are planted in earnest. I also spent a lot of time thinking about how life is going to change as I add this 4th child. 4 little people, depending on me, is quite a lot. It might be time to make some changes, slow things down a bit...I don't know. Time will tell. But above all, I hope people see me for who I strive to be. A woman, empowered by her faith in God, to move mountains both big and small, to truly make the world a bit better place, and to instill that empowerment in the children God has blessed me with.

Too Much Fun at the Fabric Store

Oh my, I have a daughter! And she will wear dresses!

In high school, I did a lot of sewing...costumes for plays, dresses and skirts for myself...fun stuff. I haven't done much, other than some home decor sewing since having the boys, but now, watch out...here I come!! I went to get some thread so I could sew the two pouch slings I bought fabric for awhile ago. Amazing how many other wonderful things I could find! I ended up with fabric to make 4 dresses. I am so excited to have another project to keep me out of trouble! ( or maybe not trouble...just keep me from laundry, house cleaning, and menu planning...the mundane!) I hope to begin the sewing tonight...I promise to post some pics as I complete my projects.

We had the wonderful opportunity to meet some local adoptive families at our agency's regional picnic today. One family is very close to traveling to get their children. They have a beautiful family and it was wonderful to be able to share hugs, stories, laughter, and hopes for speedy travel. I continue to meet the most amazing people on this journey! Also had the chance to catch up with some old friends, and of course, share Miss Sunshine's picture. It is all so fun!

We are enjoying a relatively quiet weekend...with hopes to finish the deck, hang out with friends and eat and drink good food and summer beverages! I am off to make some strawberry shortcakes for a bit later....

Meet Sunshine!!!!

Here she is!!! We are thrilled to announce we made it through court today!

The only bummer is they are predicting an 8-12 week wait to travel. I will NEVER make it until October. So we just aren't going to go there.

Enjoy loving on this amazing picture!

Waiting...again!

1:25 pm
Well, no news yet. I am trying to be very peaceful, but I am soo anxious to know we made it through the court process and she is officially ours! I am praying there were no black outs, no paperwork glitches, and it all sailed through.

Last night Eric and I sat up working on my "Adoption Soundtrack" until 1 in the morning. As I was going to sleep all I could think of was the judge, getting ready to start the day, and praying sunshines file happily moved through the pile.

So as for the adoption soundtrack...it is my journey in songs...here is a peek:
Teach Your Children Well / Crosby, Stills, Nash
Africa /Toto
Under African Skies / Paul SImon
Blackbird / Sarah McLachlan
How Long? / Ladysmith Black Mambazo
Along the Road / Susan Ashton
Lullabye / Billy Joel
Homeless/ Ladysmith Black Mambazo
Dry Your Tears Afrika / John Williams
When Love Takes You In / Steven Curtis Chapman
Hello My Baby / Ladysmith B. Mambazo
Pictures of You / The Cure
Lullaby/ Dixie Chicks
I will be here/ Steven Curtis Chapman
Fields of Gold/ Eva Cassidy
She's Got A Way / Billy Joel
You'll Be In My Heart / Phil Collins
I Knew I Love You / Savage Garden
Sunshine on my Shoulders / John Denver
A Kiss to Build a Dream On/ Louis Armstrong
Here Comes the Sun / Beatles
My Girl / Temptations
Brown Eyed Girl / Van MOrrison
Someday We'll be Together / Diana Ross
Bye Bye Blackbird / Joe Cocker
Child Of Mine/ Carol King
The CIrcle Game / Joni Mitchelle
Worth the Wait/ Janesville
Breathe / Faith Hill
Swept Away / Geoff Moore
How Sweet It Is/ James Taylor
My Idea of Heaven/ Leigh Nash
Daughters / John Meyer
Heavenly Day / Patty Griffin
Wonderful World / Louis Armstrong
In My Daughter's Eyes / Martina McBride
Be Still My Child/ Ladysmith
Somewhere Over the Rainbow/ IZ

SO that is what is playing in the car, at work etc...my very own adoption soundtrack! Lets hope I can post a pic of the most beautiful girl soon!!

Of Cute Boys and Court Dates

It was the annual neighborhood 4th of July kiddie parade...complete with firetrucks, police cars, and at least 100 kids of all ages. It is a great neighborhood event and has been going on for 40 years. Talk about a great tradition! We have several IA families in our neighborhood, so it was really fun to share stories and see how excited everyone is to get this girl home! The boys decked out their bikes and the kids jeep and grabbed candy as they rode (it's a reverse parade, the spectators throw the candy to the kids!) It 's one of those days that makes you really proud to be American!

Tonight, as we all go to sleep, the sun will be rising on Ethiopia and it will be our court date. The last batch that went through had no problems and everyone got through okay. We are hopeful for the same. It is still looking like late Aug or even early September before we will get to travel. I am trying to be okay with that, trying not to think of all the time we are missing out on with sunshine...and instead thinking of all the time we will have together!! We could hear if we made it as early as tomorrow afternoon, or not until Fri or Monday...depends on power outages etc. So cross your fingers and say a prayer!!

The Wee Small Hours of the Morning!

My wee one isn't home yet, but I am getting to know the wee small hours! I think my brain is starting to kick in, and now it is going into overdrive. Falling asleep is no problem, but come about 3-4 am, something stirs me to wakefullness and then the mind starts churning. We are traveling to Africa in 6-8 weeks. We will be going 1/2 way around the world and we will return with a child. The boys will all be starting school. Will I miss the entrance conferences? Will I be there for B's first day of Kindergarten? When should I get school supplies? When will it feel right to go back to work? Will I have time to get the buying done for the shop before we leave? How many onesies should I pack? Where do I buy pro-biotics and what the heck are they really? How are we going to pay for those plan tickets? What should I wear on the plane? How detailed of instructions do I need to leave for the grandparents?

There is just a tiny sampling of all that spins in my head in the wee small hours. Today, I think I will make some serious lists...maybe even some lists for my lists...we'll see.

Huge congrats to Melanie and Gina who both made it through court and are officially mama's. Just hang on for me ladies so we can travel together!!

Okay, now I am all keyed up again...court date coming, lists to be made, a biz to run, and a family to love...I best get my tush off the computer and jump in with both feet!

Decked!

So the deck is almost done...done enough to lounge on and enjoy! Yeah! I am hoping to get some flower pots planted in the next few days, and E is still working out the stairs, but it is wonderful! We had our first party on it on the 4th and it was great. If you're in the 'hood, come and enjoy a glass of wine on the deck with us!!

We had a fun 4th. Kids were in the neighborhood kiddie parade, enjoyed a relaxing afternoon in the pool and on the deck, and had good friends over for a BBQ before fireworks. It was fun, and full of true Americanna! The neighborhood is all buzzing about this baby coming. It is so fun to realize so many people are so excited. Just this am at the grocery, the checker asked how soon we were going to travel. I didn't even really know her!

This week is the all important court date. Our date is the 10th, so when you go to sleep on the 9th, say an extra special little prayer! And tonight when you nod off, say a prayer for Melanie and Gina, who are blazing the trail ahead of me and have court dates tomorrow. We are all ready for this journey to go to the next step. We are due for a smooth ride I think, so hopefully all goes well...and quickly!

I will post some pics of the fourth later...there are some really cute ones of the boys of summer!!

Baby Girl Is GROWING!!

We just got an update from the care center. Little Miss Sunshine is growing like a weed! She has gained 4 lbs and 1.5 inches since coming in to care 1 and 1/2 months ago. It is amazing to me how her little body can be changing so much! Unfortunately there wasn't a picture, but just knowing that she is gaining weight made a huge difference! So now it is back to the piles of clothing to see what might not fit anymore!

Oh Happy Day!

Just So Excited

After the drama of the last few weeks, today I find myself just plain excited. Why this joy today? I don't know, but I am so excited to bring my daughter home. I can't wait to see her smile, hear her laugh, watch her interact with her brothers, smell her, kiss that sweet spot between her jaw and her shoulder, gaze into her huge beautiful eyes...I am just so very excited. I get to parent a little one again! How did I get to be soo lucky?

We took a trip to Target last night to register. Had to laugh at our little parade, working our way through the baby department. There are all these cute, young pregnant mommies with their mommies, hemming and hawing over bibs and burpies...then comes my troop, the long and lanky 10 year old, the totally into it 8 year old, and the 5 year old who just wanted to "shoot" everything with the scanner. We clogged the isles, laughing and shooting, and celebrating what is to come. There are so many unknowns about what little miss sunshine will need...where she will be developmentally etc. So we just got a little of this and a little of that. Very fun! I also registered at my own shop...that was weird, but really fun...I have some cute stuff :) ! It was pretty amazing to me how much some of the basics have changed in the last few years. Bottles and even sippy cups are a whole new deal . Pretty wild.

SO today, that is my story. Joy is in my heart and I can't wait to welcome this little girl into my life!