Sweet Dreams

I had the most wonderful dreams about Miss Sunshine last night. She was toddling around, coming up to me with her arms outstretched and calling me mama. I was playing with her silky soft curly hair and we were happy.

I am going to try really hard to focus on the happy part of this wait from now until she is in my arms. I have been so down and sad about the process. Sad that she is as old as she is already, sad that the time-line keeps getting longer, sad that days are slipping by and she is growing with out me and all the firsts I will miss. But I need to focus on all the firsts we will have...the reasons I have longed for a daughter my whole life...tea parties and baby dolls, finger nail painting (although I painted B's this am ;) ) dresses and "pretties", and the joy and fun of a 1 year old. I do think her transition will be harder, she will feel loss more at her age...prime age for seperation anxiety...but we will love her through it. I also get to travel to Africa...wow, that is a once in a life time (we will go back!)

So I am going to be positive this week. BC should come...and we might get that travel date. I know our paperwork is in order (this is a huge step!!) and she is OURS so we will be together soon. 7 weeks at the most. I can do it...."just keep swimmming, just keep swimming"