Whiney Me...you have been warned

So birth certificates for those who went through court on July 7th are rolling out. This is good news as it means that we should get ours next week. However, as is par for the course for me...they got theirs early. Why has NOTHING in the process been early for me? I am the last minute mama. Just eeking through. I am ticked about how a matter of days can translate into weeks during this wait. Those that went through court on the 7th will get to travel more than likely at least 2 weeks before I will. It is all so random and I want to go and get my baby, who is no longer a baby because she is one and by the time I finally get to her, will be at least 14-15 months. I want a new picture. I want to know if she is walking. I want to know if she is smiling. I want to know why I suddenly can't take this any more. This journey has stripped me to my core. I know on a rational level that at the most, she will be home in 6 weeks and that isn't that much longer. I know that I am blessed beyond measure to even have her coming into my life. I know that I am so very lucky to raise and love her. But I am tired of staring at this picture, loving this child that I know nothing about. I am tired of waiting, and going to sleep at night knowing that my child is just waking up to a new day, getting more attached to her current situation and knowing I am going to come in and up root her again. I just don't have any reserves left. I need her home.