Okay, I was going to refrain from going here...I was going to "keep my chin up" be positive and not dwell on this wait. But I can't. It is where I am right now, it is what is heaviest on my heart...it is clouding my days (that and MN's amazing disappearing spring.) I really should be positive, I have so many blessings in my life...and yet, this waiting for the unknown is rocking my world. I emailed our agency specialist the other day to get her take on the wait. We are just 6 weeks away from the court cut off date and the referrals in April were few and far between. She really couldn't say one way or the other if she thought we would get through or not. I feel so guilty being so cranky about this wait. Huge tragedy has to enter the life of my daughter and her family in order for her to come into my life. I feel so conflicted. I want her home, I need her home, and yet I don't want to wish for her to go through such tragedy. Such is the tenuous dance of adoption.
If I keep the faith, I know she is waiting for me, and we will be together. But that dang date just looms on the calendar. When we started this process, April was the absolute top of the waiting range. Now it looks like June will be a true blessing, but September or October more likely.
My heart and my head hurt. I need to move beyond this, and let what will be, be...but it is so much easier said than done.
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The social workers at CHSFS are gifted...they are so good at telling you nothing about possible referrals...made me crazy a few times.
We called Kristina about a week after changing our request to 1 or 2. I asked if she thought that our change would impact the wait time at all. She told me to expect to wait 6-9 months like everyone else...sigh. She was so nice about it that I politely said okay and told my husband that we would not be getting a referral for a few months. She called us 4 days later!! What is up with that? Masters of deception...it is a gift.
So here is hoping that they catch you off guard soon : )
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