Muddling around in my mind

We are getting really close. So close, I can almost feel it. So now my mind is finally starting to wrap itself around the enormity of all we are doing, all we will see, all we will experience and I am scared. I am not scared about getting there, or having a baby again, or leaving the boys. I am not scared about our accommodations, the food we will eat, or having packed the right things. I AM scared about how this trip will affect me to my core. I am scared that I will fall in love with Africa, and want to do so much more, but not be able to. I am scared that I may feel called to something greater, but not know how get there .

I am a very passionate person and I know myself well enough to know that this journey will shake me to my core, and that at that core is something so precious and wonderful and fragile, that I will want to take it and grow it and nurture it, right then..but I have to face the reality that I have to return to my life. I fear that returning to my life of material things, my boutique, my rambling old house, my mundane day to day, isn't going to be enough. I know there will be more to do. How do I get there? I am pretty locked into this life I have created thus far, but I can look back and see the roads I have traveled to get where I am and I know that this particular journey brings with it so much more. God's got a great plan in all of this, and I am scared, scared that I will want to jump, scared I won't be able to jump, and believing at my very core that I have more to do...this journey is just the beginning...but where do I go from here? Can a single trip to Africa really change my whole life? I think it can, I think it will, I am scared, I am excited, and I am ready.