Saturday, May 31, 2008

Surreal

I have a daughter in Africa. I have a daughter in AFRICA. I have a DAUGHTER in Africa. I HAVE A DAUGHTER IN AFRICA!!! It doesn't matter how many times I say this, no matter what word I emphasize, it is so very surreal! I have princess sweetpea's picture up all over the house. On the fridge, above the sink, above her bed, clipped to my purse, and burned into my brain. Every time I open the fridge, I caress the gentle curve of her cheek. Every time I walk past the picture in the dining room, I kiss her little rosebud lips, and yet it is all so very strange. I am kissing and stroking a piece of paper, hoping the love I feel for her somehow transcends time and space and she can feel it.

Nana and I did a little pink power shopping today. Picture me, standing in a big department store, tears in my eyes as I can finally choose outfits, knowing her face and her size. It was wonderful, and once again strange. Hard to know how her little body will fit into different sizes. Will her little malnourished tummy fit in pants? Does she have big feet? Will she fit in footie jammies? I love this child so much already, and yet have so much to learn about her. I can flip from complete joy to great sadness. Joy that the child I have longed for is so close, and sadness at all she has been through in her life and all she has yet to go through.

Dear sweetpea, I pray God wraps you in a tender embrace, bringing you strength and hope and you feel the love that surrounds you from all the reaches of the earth. Child of my heart, you are loved.

2 comments:

Cindy said...

Way to make me all teary.....I am glad that you did some pink shopping.

Kris said...

I so hear you - I can't wait to meet her and I just want to hug her too! She is so far away - but so deeply in all of our hearts already. I can't believe she's on another continent because she is sooo loved on this one!

Buy more pink! She'll have a lot of adventures and need to change clothes to keep up! And you can never have enough cute girl stuff!

--Auntie